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you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
GF: Does this dress make my a$$ look big? BF: Nope Your A$$ makes the dress look big.
I`ve been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don`t know karate.
If we aren`t supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?
You know you`re broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
I`ve been hitting "remind me later" for about the last 4 years on Adobe.
I think I have an urge to get up and clean the house. Wait...no, false alarm.
Getting drunk and listening to loud music solves 87% of all life`s problems
No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
You might think you`re smart until you try using someone else`s microwave.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
Cleavage is like the sun, you can look... But its dangerous to stare
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to.