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My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML
Running feels great unless you compare it to not running
Messing up a guy’s hair = cute. Messing up a girl’s hair = putting your life on the line.
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
I finally figured out how to get rid of that annoying sound in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out!!
Is it just me, or is Fantasy Football basically Dungeons & Dragons for jocks?
My winter wardrobe consists of my summer clothes layered on top of one and other.
Marriage...betting someone half your stuff you`ll love them forever.
Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.
Internet Dating......The Odds are good but the Goods are odd
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium
It`s nice to feel wanted. Even if it`s by the FBI.