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McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him.
Don`t know what to get your husband for Christmas? Whatever you give him, give it to him naked. Problem solved
I`ve been catfishing my best friend for the last 3 weeks. He`s gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I`m showing these emails to his wife.
Ladies, Admit it. Sometimes you look down at your own boobs and think "Wow, these are Awesome!"
Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck`s closet.
It`s a small world, but I wouldn`t want to paint it.
According to new research, too much sex can cause memory loss. Finally, something that explains my ultra detailed photographic memory.
My nickname at work is "HR wants to see you"
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.
Sometimes I think hip hop music gets a bad rap.
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.