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Late to bed and early to rise, makes me really tired and pissed off.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra.
Those friends who like and at the same time unlike my statuses please you`re increasing my blood pressure!
Have you noticed that it`s only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......
FYI: Push-up bras don`t actually help you do more push-ups :(
Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"
I`m all for change as long as it doesn`t directly affect my routine.
I don`t know why people freak out and run when they see a spider. They are just gonna climb in your mouth when you are sleeping anyway.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched....well, at least that`s what the restraining order says.
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
I always wear a wedding ring when I go grocery shopping, so everyone thinks my cart full of groceries are for a family of 4 instead of just me