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My goal today is to lose this hangover and earn another
When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with.
A cheap way to get Botox face is by walking your dog in zero degree temperature.
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven does God hide behind the Pearly Gates and pretend he`s not home?
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.