Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.
It`s not stretching if it doesn`t involve crazy dinosaur noises.
+ if you wish you could record your dreams.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume…
Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
Shout out to all the ladies at church today in the same clothes from the club last night.
All I ask for is a chance to prove money can`t make me happy.
When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
There`s only one kind of exercise I know and its the beer run.
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.