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I am busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.
Being a vegetarian is hard at first but after a month or so you get used to telling everyone you`re a vegetarian.
Started working on my taxes today and learned why the form is called 1040. For every $50 I make, I get $10 and the gov`t gets $40...
I’m pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he`s called "beautiful" on Facebook today.
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don`t worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.
I rather be a known drunk, than an Anonimous Alcoholic
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
I am really glad the shutdown is over. I`ll tell you something, it was very lonely being the only nonessential employee who was working.
Sometimes saying "F*ck it" is the best decision.