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The only way to open a pack of toilet paper is to fingerblast a hole through the plastic in one of the roll holes
I love running my fingers through my girlfriend`s hair. It`s also a great way to let her know we`re out of napkins.
I always keep a Mexican restaurant on speed dial in queso emergency.
Our office just got a new conference table. It sleeps 20.
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
Pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law
English = Hello. Spanish = Hola. French = Bonjour. Japanese = Konnichiwa. Chinese = Nî Hâo. Italian = Ciao. Me = Sup B*tches.
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
Don´t be stupid, it´s not smart.
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
Dogs are God`s way of apologizing for your relatives.
No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
Just because I’m smiling, doesn’t mean I don’t want to hit you in the face.
Check this one out.........1
If couples who are in love are called `love birds.` Then couples who always argue should be called `angry birds.`