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I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
Politicians and diapers should be changed regularly and for the same reason...
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I’m heading north to start a new life.
I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him.
Don´t call me crazy. I much prefer the term "mentally hilarious"
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Do short people start their childhood stories with "when I was little", too?
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have decided to quit reading
If I was antisocial I wouldn`t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.
Send me one more game request and I`m showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.
Today I caught myself smiling… I was thinking of you… Don’t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.