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My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don`t run into anyone you know
The naughty me makes the nice me giggle.
Well kids, texting wasn`t always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You had to click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
You ran a marathon? I ran like 5 red lights this week...
About to try ordering subway without saying um... Wish me luck!
My friends most commonly describe me as "who?"
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones who need it?
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it over and over.
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
I`m so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.
Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.
Friday Night Inspirational Message: You miss 100% of the shots you don`t drink.
People who think only god can judge them have obviously never hung out with my friends.
I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.