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Kiss me I`m Irish, put a little tongue in it, I`m French too
this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can`t talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao
You really understand how drunk you are when you`re peeing...
I`m a Leader not a follower. Unless it`s a dark place...then you`re going first!
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office – I will track you down. You have my Word.
Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a "judgment free" zone...unless we`re talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.
Dora the explorer.... Y U NO GET GPS?
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I`m not sure what it means.