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I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
You guys know that there are things higher than kites, right?
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
Those teardrop tattoos mean you cried during the notebook, right?
The worst job to have right about now would be that of a realtor in Ferguson.
Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.
No, an erection is not considered personal growth.
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn`t finish my sandwich.
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
I had my Crayola guy re-run the numbers,,, and there`s only 36 shades of grey
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.