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A friend doesn`t question your motive, they just keep their mouth shut and dig.
My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I`ll remember that when it`s YOUR birthday #405!!!
This beer tastes like I’m going to text you later.
If A-B-C-D didn’t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to be so rushed.
Please no one tell me what happens on the NFL today; I`m still on Season 8.
I may hate waiting. But I love procastinating.
I hate when I get to the office and there isn’t a smoking crater where the building is.
New Life Goal: Get a job where people ask me, "You actually get paid for doing this?"
I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
When you introduce clapping to your dancing you might probably be too old to be in a night club at 1am.
When I text someone and they don`t text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from the excitement.
Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"