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I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
Don`t sweat the small stuff. Don`t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty a$$ elsewhere.
THESE NACHOS ARE THE BOMB! …..and that’s how I got my nachos taken away at the airport.
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
Why do they ask you "Please press 1 for English, then put you with someone who`s accent is so thick you can`t understand them?
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
Sea levels aren’t rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking…
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you.
I`ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
Teacher:If I had 2 oranges in my left hand and 2 mangoes in my right hand, what would I have?? Student:Big hands!!
Hey, people who don`t drive *exactly* like I do. Get off the road!