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People around me think I`m losing it. So today, I had to sit myself down and have a talk.
Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when your finished.
What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
If you surround yourself with people funny enough to make you laugh till your abs hurt, you’ll never have to work out!
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
You need a high five, in the face, with a chair.
Do they have to play movies so loud at the theatre? I litterally have to scream into my phone.
Apparently, I just ate 39 servings of Tic - Tacs.
I`m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team
The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this “I know your high” look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
I went by the Gym today. Its the third time this week............. One of these day`s I might actually go in.
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.
If you step on someone`s foot, they open their mouth just like trash cans.