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Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
Calling someone with glasses “four eyes” isn’t an insult. Know what else has four eyes? Two sharks. Now you feel stupid.
"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
Being able to eat while watching Hannibal makes you more of a psychopath than anyone on the show.
My date just saved me tons of money by simply saying, "no, I don`t want to be your valentine and stop texting me!"
Don’t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I’ve changed since then.
Sometimes when my phones at 5% battery life I call back all the people I didn`t want to talk too.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.
Have you ever noticed that half way through the ColonialPenn insurance commercial, Alex Trebek tries to pull a Jedi-Mind-Trick on us.... "This is the insurance you are looking for." (I didn`t get enough sleep last night.)