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Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
take me drunk i`m home
It`s actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day.
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the pesky word "premeditated " gets thrown around in court.
I don’t trust joggers, it’s a little too convenient that they are always the ones to discover dead bodies.
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
I wonder if there are birds that prefer not to sing in the morning and that just roll around in their nests until noon.
The dollar store needs to go ahead and open up a few gas stations.
I`m already an idiot, I just need a village.
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
Anyone else pretend to work all day while thinking about big boobs instead?