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When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
Your car took up two spaces, I tried to move it over with my key.
Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
There is really no way of knowing how many chameleons are in the room right now.
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.
I`m the crazy bitch you`ll never forget.
One thing I`ll never understand is alcohol free wine
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
If a cannibal ate a comedian, that would lead to some funny sh!t.
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
Pizza doesn’t ask questions. Pizza understands.
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?
My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.