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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
Hey! Did any of you see my........ Oh ! Never mind... :D How much of you said that before? heee heee hee!
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven`t seen for half an hour.
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we live on one with pizza and vodka.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
After midnight, clowns aren`t funny.
Guy advice #221: Starting a load of laundry in the washing machine and then starting a load in the dryer counts as `2 loads` - just sayin`!
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
By the time I’ve said “Nice to meet you” I’ve already forgotten your name.
I`m at that "licking peanutbutter off a spoon" time to go grocery shopping point....
Friends are like boobs. Some are real, some are fake