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So many rules; so little time to break them.
When you`re trying to change the channel on the tv, and the remote starts ringing, you`re probably drunk.
As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
I still water my dead plants every 3 months. Just in case...
"Why yes, I`d love to be a thousand pounds." – my brain when I see a box of donuts
If women ruled the world, There would be no wars. just a bunch of counties not talking to each other!
My favorite beer is the next one.
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
This century is already 15% over.
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
*spits out animal cracker* This doesn`t even taste like hippo.
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house
I took the "Which 90`s Cartoon Are You?" quiz and got "You`re a fucking grown man. Stop it. Right now."