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I don’t mean to alarm you but you know those people in your office that can’t work the fax machine? They’re driving home on the same roads.
My gift horse is facing the wrong way
“Knock him out.” – Mama
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
"I`d hit that!" -Helpful blackjack dealer
If we could master the look dogs have when we’re eating in front of them, we’d be able to have sex with any woman at will.
I know she`s talking about rain but I don`t like hearing my mom say she got 6 inches
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
Calories: the little creatures that go into your closet every night and hem the waistline of all your clothes inch by inch
I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food´s food!