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The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
Reasons to get out of bed: Food.
Getting out of bed was my worst mistake today.
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
Do you ever think about sh!t you did in the past and just go why the f*ck did nobody punch me in the face?
...you ever ponder why that page was intentionally left blank?
Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
"Last man standing" is the winner in most contests, but the runner up in musical chairs.
There`s a sucker born every minute, but swallowers are harder to find.
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
Does the Lego movie come with a disclaimer "Some assembly required"?
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
I’m not crazy just the voices are!