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I spend too much money on food to afford any diet program...
WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
I never care whether or not my glass is half full or half empty... cause I drink straight from the bottle!
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
Sometimes I get in this weird mood where I find everyone annoying. But it only happens when I’m awake.
We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.
In terms of procrastination, I`ve had a very productive day.
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
Pringles should make their containers like a Push Up Pop.
You know it`s getting bad when the voices in your head start texting you
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it´s for them?
The moment you empty your vacuum cleaner is the moment you become a vacuum cleaner.