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You know you`ve won the argument when the other person responds with "Whatever..."
eBay sellers - just because you`ve dug your suit/dress out of the back of your wardrobe doesn`t make it vintage. #JustOldAndSmelly
Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
I give myself the best presents.
My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn`t walk to the donut shop.
Don`t worry about old age, it doesn`t last that long.
That amazing moment when you smack the remote and it actually works!
How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?
I don`t drink to forget my problems. I drink because I survived them!
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.
Mini M&M`s - for when you just can`t finish an entire M&M
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.