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Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
Stop dwelling on the past and start f*cking up the future.
Let`s all play a game: For every political post, you must post 5 non political posts. #makefacebookhappyagain
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
No one in my family has ever actually used the Olive Garden gift card. We just keep passing it down from generation to generation.
There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.
I fake my LOLs
Trying to figure out how to ask a girl on a first date of Netflix and pizza without sounding all serial killery
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can`t have both.
You`ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
Masturbating in front of your partner in the hope that she’ll join does not always work. And people on the bus stare at you.
Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I`m bored of paying for things