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Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
If life Sucks, what makes you think death doesn`t Blow??
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
Your family tree must look like a cactus........everybody on it is a pr!ck
Sure, I was walking home from the bar drunk, but I wasn`t even stumbling. My guess is, the cops just had it in for naked people.
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
is having some serious PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome!
People who don’t like pizza are people you don’t need in your life.
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
When sitting directly across from someone also using a laptop, I can`t stop myself from telling them, "you sunk my battleship!"
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.
Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I`m bored of paying for things