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I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
A word of advice, stay on my good side. My good side is in Hawaii.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
i know how to shutup.I just don`t know when.
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
I`m the type of person that would thrive in solitary confinement.
If only I did everything with the same precision in which I craft my sandwiches.
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
Saw a boat with a sign that read "For Sale" so I added the missing "-ing"......Idiots can`t spell...
At what point will this meal make me happy, Ronald?
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
my imaginary friend thinks ur crazy? an shes hot!
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun