Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
Vegetarians live up to nine years longer. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Most of you like waking up in the morning to see the "comments" and "likes" that your status received. I like waking up in the morning to see WTF I posted!
I found out that middle age is were you finally get your head together and then your body starts falling apart
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
Much like a dog, men will pretty much do anything you want if you feed them first.
Whenever I try cleaning my room I either end up making a bigger mess, or just playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
Most days the best thing about my job is that my chair spins
I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
If you`ve never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive "to work" to get a chick to leave your house then you`re not me.
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
I`ll never understand women. They hate when you ask their age, but get mad if you forget their birthday.
I love the smell of a liquor store in the morning!
Onion rings are vegetables. And the Large size counts as two servings.