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Now that my kids are getting older, I`m worried I`ll never have the opportunity to leave my wife for the nanny.
Sometimes all you need, is 500 million dollars.
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, you know you have small boobs
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
I just devoured a six inch from Subway and I`m still not satisfied. I get it ladies. I get it.
is it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
you`re about as useless as a red light in grand theft auto
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.
Home is where the alcohol is.