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Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a video camera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
However lonely you feel, you`re never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
No one can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it ;)
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
Sometimes I feel like people I know are just using me for my likes.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
Sometimes I can`t figure out if I`m in pre-school... high school.. oh wait, I`m at work.
Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.
This is the only way I know how to correctly use a semi-colon ;)
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...