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The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
Tyler on Facebook says he ran 1.7 miles this morning… So based on calculations, I have 35 minutes to ransack his house tomorrow morning.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
Thou shall not promote Christmas until after Thanksgiving.
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
Always bring a stopwatch to church, guys. You want the girl that spends the longest amount of time in confession.
Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
Dude, I see you are enjoying a cold Bud Light Lime-a-Rita .... I`m going to assume that`s your smart car parked outside.
"in other news… it turns out being mayor of Toronto is all that its cracked up to be" - George T. Ignace
I will literally spend $20 on food but won’t buy a $20 shirt.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole