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I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
No officer, my speech isn`t slurred. I`m just talking in cursive.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
Our sex was so good, the neighbors smoked after we finished.
It should be socially acceptable to end any boring conversation by shouting "UNSUBSCRIBE!"
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to make anything your fault.
A mosquito landed on my balls... Hardest decision of my life.
I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
Why do we even ask rhetorical questions?
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)