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A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
If you are hotter than me, wouldn’t that make me cooler than you.
I`m going to buy a new dictionary. After watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don`t understand the meaning of Final.
I woke up hungover to the sound of my neighbor mowing the lawn. I figure he`ll just have to mow around me. I`m not moving.
How ignorant do I have to be before I start experiencing bliss?
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a f*cking b!tch all the time.
If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone so for future reference you can use it as a valid excuse.
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
I`m still trying to get over the fact that oranges are pre-sliced by nature.
When a girl says "no," a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
Sometimes, I`m offended at how easily offended some people get.
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet