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This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
I wish I budgeted with my whole paycheck as well as I do with the last fifty bucks of it.
To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
I`m watching a show about surviving in the wild in case I ever decide to log off and go outside.
Don`t threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I`ve just invented an invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible. I`m still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself
Swearing releases stress and that`s just one of the f*cking reasons I do it.
High-five a veteran today.
Gonna try out my new drinking game tonight... 1. Turn on the news. 2. Take a drink every time the word FERGUSON is said!
Things that make you go Mmmmmmm - Duct Tape