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Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
You look over-medicated. What`s your doctor`s name?
Christmas is just like any other day in the workplace, you work your butt off and the fat guy with a suit gets all the credit.
The hardest thing about looking for work is the sobriety.
I wish common sense was more common.
I`d say 20% of my day is spent trying to convince the dog we`re not about to be murdered by the UPS guy, mailman, squirrels, or the ice dispenser..
These kids next door to me need to quit yelling. I`m about to wake up their mom and send her back over there.
the only correct answer to are u ticklish? is i have explosive diareha right now
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
Men ask us if we`re naked when we tell them we`re taking a bath. THAT`S why they pay more for their car insurance.
Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.
I never use the phrase, "Your guess is as good as mine" because, well... it`s not.
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
MARRIAGE TIP: Don`t get fat.