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What does Miley Cyrus have for dinner on Christmas? Twerky :`)
Some days I’d like to take a chainsaw and cut a few branches off my family tree.
You`d think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.
It’s fun to pull someone’s leg… but don’t ever pull their finger.
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny and thin. It`s a public service really.
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
Just once I`d like to see someone in a movie call bullshit when someone tells them their phone number starts with 555
What makes fancy green beans fancy?
Well, Thanks to SAMSUNG, flat screens are no longer `Flat`.
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
My girlfriend said if this gets 100 thumbs up we`ll try anal. So please don`t vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.
They said money can`t by happiness. But it can buy tattoos, car parts, and beer. What else could we need?
I`m gonna just take a quick nap before I go to bed.