Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I`m like HOLY CRAP I`M OUTSIDE.
like this if you are against animal cruelty
Here`s a list of the things I have to look forward to today: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Drinking after work
Ways to tell a woman is mad at you: 1. She is silent. 2. She is yelling. 3. She acts different. 4. She acts the same. 5. She kills you.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you have tits. Simple as that
I hope these environmentally friendly toilets save at least 3x the water because that’s how many times I need to flush.
Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That`s where I come in.
If money can`t buy happiness what do you pay a hitman with?
Whoever said "nothing is impossible" never tried to nail JELL-O to a tree.
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
If cats could talk, they`d probably always be correcting your grammar.
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
First you`re telling me to be myself, then you`re telling me to stop being an idiot. Make up your mind!
You think you love your family but suddenly there`s three of you and one remaining slice of pizza.