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I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
If I`ve learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, its that women still haven`t figured out you can watch porn at home... for free.
Yes Grandma, I`m almost positive Arachnophobia is not the fear of people from Iraq
Hate is too powerful an emotion to waste on somebody you don`t even like.
The lottery is over $400 million. Sorry poor kids, no dinner tonight...
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
I hate those new parents who do the `baby talking`, yes I do, yes I do...
Single ? I`m not single, I`m in a long standin relationship with fun and freedom ! ;)
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!
lifes a laugh, start living it!
Getting that beach body is easy. You just have to know where to dig.
"you failed just as much as your dads condom."