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Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
I like restaurants because the people have to be nice and feed you.
For all those girls that say `all guys are the same` ... Who told you to try them all? Hoe.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If i had a brick id throw it at you.
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check
Sometimes it’s funnier when you DON’T add “lol” at the end. lol
Is beer cheaper on cyber monday?
I`m thankful for pizza and burgers... and ice cream and bacon and fries and... F*ck it, I`m thankful for food. I love you, food.
“Get your panties in a bunch” would make a great slogan at Costco.
The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
Tips for Guys on Valentine`s Day: Tell your girl you already got something and make her guess. She`ll automatically list things she wants.
I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!