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If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
i don`t care if u don`t like me ........... i am not a facebook status:D
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
I’m working on my resume. Should I use the term “mad skillz” or would “mad skills” be more formal?
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
Don`t play dumb with me. That`s a game you can`t win.
Tried to text "playa" but it changed it to "player" I must have the white iPhone.
If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is not working.
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.
I play hard to get along with.
I wish all my freckles would just mix into a tan.