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I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
Dad, I love how we don`t even have to say out loud that I`m your favorite. Happy Fathers Day!
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
If you`re going take a bathroom picture, at least clean it off. I can`t see anything through all the toothpaste.
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
You can´t trust dogs to watch your food.
If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
Most difficult job ever.......Working in a bubble wrap factory......Imagine the self control needed.