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Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
Non alcoholic beer is like a porn movie on the radio
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
I can`t find my happy place this morning, mind if I goto yours
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
Do you think Santa regrets giving all those bad kids coal now that global warming is threatening his home?
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets???
If I drove a UPS truck there’s a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners.
People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
It`s damn funny when a wife think`s she`s punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
Ringing in the “New Year” apparently is not a valid excuse for showing up to work 3 hours late… in October.