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The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
How could a man who is covered in tattoos be afraid of commitment?
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
Gravity is a real downer.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered.
Siri, destroy the vehicle in front of me.
Sometimes I think "What would Dexter do"?
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
People who describe things as “better than sex” are having the wrong kind of sex.
SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
I recently jumped on the back of my psychologist and started counting...1...2...3 and he was so suprised asking me what I was doing and I answered offendedly: "Well you`re the one who said I could always count on you !"
Pool is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
When I was a kid “The Server Is Down” meant your waiter was depressed.
I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn`t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.