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Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...
Everything happens for a reason. That`s why I drink to everything!
Don`t you love followers that don`t acknowledge your existence. Its so cute. Its like I have tiny marriages all over the world.
Anyone else ever thought about farting into one of those plastic cylinders at the bank drive-thru?
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
I can sum up my life in three words: “just browsing, thanks.”
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
I`m at my most likable before you get to know me.
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
So, which one of you is going to be the subject of your local news` annual turkey fryer accident story?
It really pisses me off when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.
I would`ve thrown a coin in the water fountain and wished for all the money in it, but I just waited `til it was dark instead.
I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.
It was so cold out today i actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.