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Marriage (Possible side effects may include sadness, anger, sudden drop in finances, depression, sexual abstinence, and sobriety)
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
I`ll never understand why single women waste so much time on dating websites when there are so many eligible bachelors right here in this adult bookstore.
Math questions are so stupid! They’re like “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have?” Oh I dunno, a drinking problem maybe?
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
I`m leaving my body to science fiction
A "Lifetime Movie" describes how long it felt when you were watching it.
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
The best thing about having male genitals is sharing it with people who don`t.
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...