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I want to meet myself from someone else’s point of view.
If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
After visiting the gov`t healthcare site, I don`t know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
I`ve just realised that I`ve got one of those cool body types that can eat whatever I want and get fat.
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
The funniest thing about being sober is to realize you were so drunk last night you were texting all night with a calculator.
I rather be a known drunk, than an Anonimous Alcoholic
I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them catching on fire.
Saw a chameleon today, so I`m assuming it wasn`t a very good one.
One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.