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I didn`t get a chance to do yoga this morning or any other morning of my life.
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
Life lesson: you never have to feel ashamed of anything you buy as long as you buy a birthday card at the same time
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. But giving payment when payment is due is an entirely different thing.
Video games don`t encourage violence nearly as much as piñatas do.
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
They don`t seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts.
I am not looking for a one night stand, 2 hours will be plenty enough.
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.
I decided I really need to read more. I watch way to much TV ... So I turned on the subtitles.
FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
Nothing good ever came from drinking things that are on fire.