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Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
The difference between cars and whales is that whales can swim and cars can`t.
My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
My wife just opened a jar of pickles by herself and I can`t help but think that my days around here are numbered...
wants to come back as a bird after I die.... just so i can sh!t on the people who piss me off.
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.
Why don`t the post office get the Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday? Work smarter not harder people.
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.
I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.