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Maybe I`m the good kind of fat like an avocado.
Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
Apparently, "Step up your game" isn`t the correct response when your neighbour brings over fresh cookies, and your wife asks how they are.
I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
I don’t appreciate the 5 minute radio ads about how commercial-free the station is.
Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you don`t know the man & he doesn`t know you`re eating his popcorn
Judging by all of the cologne and shower sets I got for Christmas either people know I like to smell good or I am failing at it.
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
A real man should never wave faster than he says the word “hey”
People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?
Friends that are with you during your darkest times probably didn’t pay their electric bill either.