Daily Silly Status

Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.

If you`re a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?

Wouldn`t it be ironical to die in a living room?

Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.

Walking past a new employee`s desk & yelling, "Do you think it`s a good idea to be surfing porn on your first day?" will never get old.

Don`t let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.

The bright side of getting attacked by a Cyclops is only having to use half the pepper spray.

I`m not lazy, I just rest before I get tired

This jar of peanut butter says "may contain nuts" on it. Remember when survival of the fittest was a thing? Good times.

The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.

Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.

Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.

I`m good at counting cards. I keep ending up with 52.

Back in the day, Mom gave us two dinner choices. What she cooked or jack sh!t....

Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.