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India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
You hate me? I didn’t even know you existed.
I like to respond to statuses with .. WOW, Someone needs a Happy Meal.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend.
I think once we get past the restraining orders, court dates, and the stalking charges we can really make this relationship work.
Why do blurry people always ask me if I’m drunk?
When I was a kid I remember I fell asleep in the couch and woke up in the bed, now I fall asleep in the couch and wake up on the floor.
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
Apparently “cheesecake & tacos” wasn’t the answer the interviewer was looking for when he asked me what my weaknesses are.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes
I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.
You dont know sh!t about pressure until you`re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.
To any ex-military that live on my street I apologize for whatever messages we may be sending, 2yo has discovered light switches