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A word of advice, stay on my good side. My good side is in Hawaii.
Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That is your age.
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
Sign outside a Drug Rehab Centre: "Keep off the Grass!"
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
There’s actually a thing called “Play Dates “ in 2018. In 1984 we called that “Going outside to play”
If you were a cookie, you’d be a whoreo.
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
My “I hate you” face must look a lot like my “I’m loving this conversation” face.
My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him, next time, don`t leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point
Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."