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If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
Not sure why my wife is only mad at me, our 4 year old forgot her birthday too.
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
I imagine a world where whining on Facebook is illegal.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.
Don`t mistake my middle finger as an offer.
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
I didn`t fall. The floor just needed a hug.
Sometimes I really think I have my life together...and then I realize my underwear is on inside-out.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads.
If your dog is fat it means that you don`t get enough exercise.
Fun Fact about me: The drunker I get, the more karate I know.
My pet rock turned 4,054,870,001 today