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"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
If you say married people aren’t having sex, you have obviously never sat in a hotel bar & watched them pick up strangers.
The closest I got to a 4.0 at university… was my blood alcohol level!
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
I get very nervous out when my Subway sandwich moves up the crowded assembly line without me.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn’t have couches at this Best Buy
I`m pretty sure even Santa wishes they would stop playing Christmas music on the radio this time of year.
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
Someone asked an old man: "After 70yrs you still call your wife Darling, Honey and Luv. What`s the secret?"... Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago & I`m scared 2 ask her.
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.