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You know you`re getting older when your friends start using the term "Pregnant" instead of "Knocked Up"
I`ll be taking my time and yours,, thank you....... -- all 80 yr. old drivers
How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
I don`t play sports, the only sport I play is shopping. But there`s a lot of walking involved in that. Running sometimes if there`s a sale.
Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
I would watch tennis more often if they replaced the ball boys with untrained golden retrievers.
I put ALL my eggs in one basket at the grocery store.... Today..!!
2017 didn`t need that extra hour back.
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me Limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
If “dress for the job you want” were true, there would be a lot more people wearing capes.
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?