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Just saw someone holding a sign that said "Honk 2 impeach Obama" You`d think the process to impeach a president would be more complicated
I’m sorry I’m late. I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses and spent 4 hours wondering what the f**k he was protecting his eyes from.
I walked into a bar in my pirate suit and a ships wheel in my pants.... The bartender asked... "Why do you have a wheel in your pants"? I replied "Argh.. it`s driving me nuts".
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I`m sorry that I asked if he was a rescue.
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
They`re teaching kids that abstinence is 100% more effective in preventing pregnancy than birth control, try telling that one to Jesus`s mother!
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
I wish college was 5 easy payments of $19.99
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy