Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Never trust a skinny chef
If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it`s technically a cat
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
My girlfriend ended up with a broken nose today because she wouldn`t listen to me... I said,"You`re about to walk into a lamppost."
Wish my girlfriend was awake, could really do with a sandwich right now.
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
I never said I was better than everyone else, just better than you.
I hope that man who was walking in memphis found out the way he really felt
Whoa. I just did something & almost forgot to document it on facebook. That was a close one.
I`m kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I`m just a guy in a bathrobe.
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
Boss: "Are you texting?" Me: "No, I`m Tweeting." Boss: "What`s the difference?" Me: "Texting would imply that I have friends."
when in Rome get naked ;)