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Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old`s lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.
If you`re single and you know it hug your cat!
You’re going to make some cats very happy one day.
Dad: Son its a fact that masturbation can lead to blindness. Me: Dad... Im over here ..
Oh look, it`s raining outside. I think I`ll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don`t have a window of their own.
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
Think about the nicest thing anyone`s ever said about you. Not really true, right?
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
I’m not brave. I’m just past the age where running is an option.
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
An apple a day will keep anyone away ... if thrown hard enough.
Sometimes words are not enough. That`s why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...
You know it’s a really good bar when there’s a couple outside breaking up.