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I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
if you wake up at 3am and scream bloody mary three times in the mirror, your mom will tell you to shut up and go to bed
Why do they ask you "Please press 1 for English, then put you with someone who`s accent is so thick you can`t understand them?
If I was a Jedi there is a 100% chance that I would use the Force inappropriately.
Some of these Giraffe profile pictures are a vast improvement.
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
Last night I was thrown out of the casino for misunderstanding the use of the Crap table.
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they don`t laugh either.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.
Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” ... Yes, I wrote it yesturday. But still, the truth is the truth.