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The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.
Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam`s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
Damn it. I missed the number of the day on Sesame Street and now I don`t know how many pills to take.
You guys ever trip out on the fact that Indian people eat Indian food for breakfast?
I`ve had frozen pizza and delivery pizza in the same day, b!tch you don`t know me.
"You`re as crazy as your mother" is the last thing I remember saying before waking up in intensive care
"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.
The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
Flight 370, proven harder to find then the G spot :-/
May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that`s not true for treating diarrhea.
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single”.
LSD makes users lose weight ... That makes sense. It`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.