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Any girl is a stripper if you wait outside her window long enough
Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?
A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" and watch the panic set in.
Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I. (I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today.)
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
Accidentally walking through the camping aisle at Target every once in a while is about as outdoorsy as I get.
I finally stopped caring what other people think ... I hope everyone`s ok with that.
It’s amazing how long you can hold your farts at the beginning of a relationship.
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
My Wife says I talk while I sleep..........but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it
Don`t let this historic Cubs World Series win distract you from the fact that Donkey never made Shrek those waffles he promised to make.
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.