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Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
Setting my coffee maker to `stun`
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
Adding lyrics when you don`t know the words or making words up when you don`t speak the language. ;)
Halfway through singing a romantic ballad to my cat, it occurred to me that I`m going to die alone.
I`m worried that my guardian angel is a crack head.
No one can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it ;)
Nothing says "friend zone" quite like a girl saying "you`re like a brother to me." (Disregard this message if you`re from Alabama)
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon
No officer I wasn’t texting, that’s dangerous. I was checking my email.
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.
Highways need 4 lanes per side - A NASCAR wannabe lane, a normal driver lane, an old people who drive 40 in a 70 lane & a "where in the hell am I?" lane.
Just bought a car with the money from my swear jar.
I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?