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I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.
I`ve been starting my diet tomorrow for the last 20 years.
It only takes a second to show a person how much you feel about them. The police call it indecent exposure, but whatever...
I think my guardian angel drinks.
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
Twerking is just shaking your a$$? Why did we need a new word? A$$-shaking has served us well for centuries.
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
Dear Alcohol, Will you be my valentine? ?
I fail to understand the ‘good’ part of ‘good morning’
College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.
Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
Handy tip for new parents : Wake up your baby by gently resting your head on a pillow.