Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
Reality is for those who can`t handle alcohol
I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait, no, that was just a florist.
You can`t always control who walks in to your life but you can control which window to throw them out.
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn`t know how to follow directions."
An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.
Cleavage is like the sun. You can look, but don’t stare.. Unless you’re wearing sunglasses.
I have this empty feeling inside of me. Wait, there`s my drink.
I`m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
Marriage. Because your sh*tty day doesn`t have to end at work
If my jokes offend you: 1. I’m sorry. 2. It won’t happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. 4. You’re a wussy.
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.